(The Legend Of) Miss Baltimore Crabs
By: Hairspray
Sung by: Rose Mitchell
Place: Auditorium
Episode: It's Hairspray

(The Legend Of) Miss Baltimore Crabs is a Broadway song from the musical "Hairspray". It was sung by Rose Mitchell as her audition song for the musical for the role of "Velma Von Tussle".


Front step, cha-cha-cha,
Back step cha-cha-cha, side step, front step, back, and, oh,

Oh, my God how times have changed, these girls must be blind, or completely deranged!
But, time seem to halt when I was Miss Baltimore Crabs.

You can laugh, but life's a test!
Don't do this, don't do that!
Remember, Mother knows best!
And the crowns in the vault from
when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs

Let me show you how you Mommy dear
took out the competition.
Girls, go get them, boys lets rumba!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,
Those poor runner ups
might still hold some grudges
They padded their cups
But I screwed the judges!
Those broads thought they'd win if a plate
they would spin in their dance.

Ready, begin
On my show you'll never find a thrusting hip or bump and grind!

Oh I hit the stage
Batons ablaze
While belting Aida
and preparing SOUFLEES!
But that triple somersault
is how I clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs!

I never drink one chocolate malt
No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs!

And may I be frank
First impressions can be tough
And when i saw you i knew it
if your size weren't enough
your last answer just blew it!
and so my dear
so short and stout
you'll never be in
so were kicking you out!
with your form and your fate
oh, it isn't your fault!
just down with a case of

Miss Baltimore Crabs

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